


I Swear I Meant Well

by computato



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, don't read if looking for happy endings, zombie marco, zombie!Marco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1944279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/computato/pseuds/computato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I swear I meant well, but this isn't what I wanted..</p><p>When Marco dies a sudden death, Jean is heartbroken. He just wants him back. Suddenly and strangely, his wish comes true. Be careful what you wish for, Jean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye, Marco

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fanfic ever. It's probably not that great, but constructive criticism is welcome! I think I'm going to write a (happier) prequel to this eventually.
> 
> //this fic has probably been abandoned.. sorry guys. I will leave it up for you to read anyway though.//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean finds Marco's body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't much lead up, we just get right to the sads. *evil laughter* Also, this is written from Jean's point of view, and I used dialogue from the English dub. Written with help from my lovely beta, Titansfancykirauser on fanfiction.net. ^^

It had been two days since the mass attack in Trost, and I still hadn't seen Marco. I was hoping for the best, of course, but I couldn't help but know that something terrible had to have happened. I know Marco would never just leave us all, so I tried to be prepared for the worst.

We were all still on cleanup duty, loading the many mangled bodies into carts and scraping the left-overs from the Titans' lunches off the ground. The work was hard and the stench was appalling, but it had to be done. Still, I wrinkled my nose at the thought of another day collecting bodies.

I walked down a blood-spattered street, straightening my jacket's collar as I made a turn. I knew I was supposed to be searching for more corpses, but my mind was in another place, wondering if there was even a purpose to living. I mean, what's the point to living if we all just die in the end? Is there some higher purpose we serve, or are we pointless? It's strange to think about. Are we really created just to have our bodies torn apart by these monsters? So many deaths, but why?

I turned down another corner and stopped dead in my tracks.  _No. God, please no. Fuck, no, no nO NO!_ Not three feet away from me there was a body, head propped up against a building. Its hands- no, hand; its whole right arm was missing- was resting on its chest. It looked like... "M-Marco?" Gruesome was definitely an understatement. Half of his face, torso and right arm were missing, blood and bits of innards spilled everywhere. I took a shaky step forward and bent down towards the body. "No. No. No. This isn't real, it's not you, Marco, it can't be..." I reached out my hand and gently brushed his cold cheek, trying to fight my own tears. His one lifeless eye was still tinged with fear. "M-M-Marco, no..."

I dropped to my knees by his side, head hung low. I let loose a strangled cry; I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Marco, goddammit, Marco! No, no no, Marco... you promised me!" The tears flowed in streams down my cheeks, staining the handkerchief over my mouth. "Y-you promised, Marco! We were going t-to live through this hell. We were going to k-kill every one of those damned Titans and g-go outside the walls. We were going to live, Marco, we were g-going to live! A-and now, you're-" I lifted my head to look at his dirty face again. I couldn't bring myself to say it... he wasn't actually... dead, right? He couldn't be dead... but the evidence was right there, in the blood on the ground and in the stiff body lying in front of me. Marco was dead.

I crawled closer to him and leant my forehead on his remaining shoulder. I grasped his hand in mine and sobbed. He was so cold, colder than he'd ever been. I'd never again see his warm smile, see his smiling face, be comforted by his presence. Marco was gone.

Is there even a purpose to living? What's the point to living if we all just die in the end? Is there some higher purpose we serve, or are we pointless? Are we really created just to have our bodies torn apart by these monsters? So many dead, but  _why?_

~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't long before I heard footsteps nearby. A voice on my left said in a monotone, "if you have a name for this one, it'd be helpful to pass along."

I kept mumbling and sobbing to myself, lost in my own world of grief and regret. "I wonder where he was... what happened? No... somebody saw it. Had to have. Somebody knows how he went."

"I need his name. We don't have time for this." I slowly turned my head towards the voice; a greyish-haired woman stood there holding a clipboard. I'm sure I looked like a mess, tears dripping from my bloodshot eyes into the damp handkerchief over my nose and mouth.

"Please, son. You understand, it's been two days since we bored up the hole in Wall Rose. That's too long, we're nowhere near accounting for all the dead. Unless these poor souls are dealt with soon, an epidemic is likely to break out. We're the first line of defense against secondary disaster. We'll lament the fallen after we've done our jobs. Is that understood?"

I took a shaky breath. "H-he was a member of the 104th cadet c-corps, captain of squad 19. M-Marco Bodt."

"Bodt. Duly noted, then. Thank you, cadet, I appreciate the help. Continue," she said and walked away.

After a minute I stood up and wiped my eyes with my sleeve. I suppose I had to... take care of his body. The mere thought made me want to throw up. I'd already had to load up so many other bodies into carts, but  _Marco..._ I didn't know if I could actually do it. I couldn't just leave him lying there, though. I had to do this.

I leant down again, wrapped my left arm around his knees, and carefully wrapped my right arm around his shoulder area. Gingerly I lifted him up; his head lolled limply to the side, and thick, dark blood spilled from his side when I moved him. I wanted to throw up. Instead I just gagged and carried him princess-style to the nearest cart.

Goodbye, Marco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short chapter! They'll get longer, I promise.


	2. What. WhAT.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunion.

The bonfire was tonight. I didn't know if I could take it. I mean, I was kind of used to having my best friends die (wow, that sounded sad), but Marco... I didn't know if I could watch his bones burn with the other bodies. I'd have to muster up the strength somehow, though..

I sighed and picked up another log. I was supposed to be moving them inside a small shed, but I couldn't really focus at the moment. I was too busy thinking about the whole... Marco situation.

Maybe I should do something to... prepare myself. The idea sounded good enough. But.. how? What if I... go look at Marco one last time. To be honest, that was the best thing I could think of. Maybe having one final look before he was gone for good would help. Or at least I hoped.

It's just before lunchtime, maybe I can do it now and get it over with before we all head to lunch. Out of my mind so I can focus on the rest of the day's duties. Yeah. That sounded like a good plan. I dropped the log into the pile in the shed and took a deep breath. No one would notice if I was only gone for a little while, right?

I wiped my hands on my dirtied white pants and headed towards the old wooden building we used as a morgue. There were so many bodies piled up in there... I shuddered just thinking about it, but I knew I just had to do this.

It wasn't a very long trip to the morgue; easy to find, too, it stank up a storm. I didn't really want to think about why. Taking another deep breath (which I regretted instantly, it really did stink) I opened the door, which moved with a creak.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. Holy mother of Rose, did it stink. Like, four times worse than it did from outside. The second thing I noticed were the rats. They just sat there, minding their own business, some of them chewing on a stray body part or two. God, did they creep me out.

“Oh, god..” The floor was disgusting, bodies piled up in a shoddy attempt to be neat. Really, it just looked grisly and kind of disrespectful.

Suddenly I heard a rustling sound from a corner covered in shadow. At first I thought it was the rats, but the next thing I heard quickly disproved that.

“J-Jean?” Oh, god. The voice sounded so familiar, but it couldn't be. It was impossible. It was my imagination.

“Jean, it _is_ you!” No. No. It couldn't be. This wasn't real. I was dreaming... I had to be.

Something moved from the corner again... something stepped partly out of the shadow. It was... Marco. I could only see half of him, the other half still covered in shadow, but it was unmistakably him. Instinctively, I took a step backwards. I felt like I was going to throw up again. Or faint. Or both.

“Jean? What's wrong?”

“M-Marco..?” This was just a dream. Right now I was asleep in my bunk, next to the other soldiers' sleeping forms, and this was all nothing more than a horrible, horrible nightmare.

I sharply inhaled when Marco stepped fully out of the corner, revealing the rest of his grisly, damaged body.

It wasn't a dream. It's Marco, standing in front of me, in the flesh. Somehow.. alive. He just stood there, staring at me, a stray tear dripping down the only half of his face he had left. His torso was leaning slightly to the left, and even in the darkness of the morgue, I could see the drying blood and dirt that decorated his body.

"J-Jean.." He stretched out his remaining arm, reaching out for me, and I lost all my self control. I screamed.

Now, I'm not usually the type of guy to wimp out and scream like this, but let's be honest here; what would you do if you saw your friend standing in front of you, when you had seen him dead only hours before? Exactly.

"Jean, shh! Be quiet!" I wasn't quiet. At all. "Shush! Someone will hear us!" I tried to speak, tried to ask Marco what the hell was going on, but all I managed was a strange choking noise from the back of my throat.

"Jean, it's okay, it's just me-" Marco reached out his arm again, and then suddenly stopped moving; he slowly turned his head to look at where his right arm would be. "W-what- wha-a-aa-" his words suddenly turned into a garbled shout, which quickly turned into a scream. "W-what the fuck-"

I stopped freaking out and took a hesitant step forward; he still didn't stop his grumbling and shouting.

"W-w-why-" he reached up and brought his hand up to the missing side of his face. He screamed again, another tear falling from his wide eye. "W-what- how-"

"M-Marco, what the hell is going on?"

"I-I don't know, I d-don't understand, I- ahh-"

"Marco. Marco, shush. Look at me." When he didn't respond, stepped forward and touched his cheek, softly turning his face towards me. He stopped his screaming, though he was still shivering like mad. "Marco."

"W-what- how did I.. get here? Why am I in the morgue, Jean?" He was looking right back at me now, his single, dripping eye darting back and forth between my own.

"Marco... you're.. you're supposed to be dead." The boy sharply inhaled, staring at me in shock.

"What?"

"You were dead. I saw you." A steady stream of tears was now dripping down my face, and I struggled to keep my voice steady. "You died. You were lying against a building, dead. Half your body was gone, Marco! I saw you, I carried you here.. you were dead, Marco, why aren't you dead?" Yep, I was freaking out again. I looked at Marco, desperately hoping he knew what was going on.

"I.. died?"

"Yes, Marco, you died! You were dead! I don't- I don't get it! You- I- how?" He just stared at me, not responding, as confused as I was. "How the hell are you alive?"

"I don't know, Jean, I don't know.."

I made a strangled sound and softly touched my hand against Marco's face, reaching up to pet his hair, fingers then skimming down to brush my thumb over his lips. "Y-you're alive.." I threw my hands around him, pulling him into a tight hug. (And successfully ruining my white shirt in the process. I didn't really mind at the moment, even though I was touching Marco's ribs, which was kind of gross.) I nuzzled my face into the intact side of his neck and sobbed. "I thought you were gone.." I nuzzled his neck again, inhaling deeply. He mostly smelled like dirt and blood, but the faint, familiar scent of Marco's sweet skin was still there.

"J-Jean.." He wrapped his arm around my torso, burying his face into my shoulder.

"You're alive, I can't believe it, Marco.." I cried, chest heaving with every breath.

Suddenly a loud knock sounded on the wooden door, and I jumped. "Is everything okay in there?"


End file.
